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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Pregnancy is So Hawt...

If anyone asks me how I am feeling these days, my answer is sort along the lines of "blechhh...". That "pregnancy "glow" is actually the sheen of sweat from me dry heaving lunch into the toilet.

I am one of those lucky few women who gets the privilege of throwing up the entire pregnancy. I did so with the Kid up until a week before delivery and it seems like Kid Too (thanks for the suggestion, readers!) is causing the same sort of throw-uppiness. Nearing the halfway point of the pregnancy, the morning/noon/night sickness is not letting up. I thought it was bad that I threw up until 40 weeks with the Kid, but this fetus is also causing me to have crazy heartburn and I am spitting like a camel, which apparently are all related (Google hyperemesis gravidarum, reflux and ptyalism for some light reading).

Attractive, I know. The Kid may have called me "disgusting" or "nasty" a time or two so far. Poor thing. Just fetch me my spittoon and pipe down, Kid. 

Nothing helps. Trust me, if there is a remedy out there, I have already tried it. Bland food. Spicy food. Ginger. Seabands. Accupressure. Zofran. Reglan. Mint tea. Crackers. Unisom. B6. However, here is what I have learned...
  • How to throw up quietly at work. 
  • Nothing makes a pregnant woman move faster than the threat of puking on the floor. I can HUSTLE, people.
  • Ice cream and milkshakes are about the only things that still taste okay on the way back up.
  • Your stomach can hold an insane amount of volume. Fascinating really...
  • I (who when non-pregnant has a stomach made of iron - dude, I'm a pediatrician) can now smell things from a mile away and can no longer stand the smell of the following: wine, coffee, Lysol spray, waterless hand sanitizer, my husband's aftershave, my deodorant and tomatoes.
  • I can lose weight and still look pregnant. Hopefully this baby is sucking all of the fat from my behind.
  • Apparently, a human body can be sustained on ice-cold orange Fanta and ice cream for weeks.
I don't intend to write much more about pregnancy symptoms, because quite frankly, it tends to get boring. If anything scintillating happens, I will post it. I was reminded about how I should cherish this period of time from a friend's blog writing about missing her daughter (who recently went off to college).

In the meantime, life continues and I have a lot of things to update you guys on besides me being pregnant. Finally posting pictures of the superhero party I co-planned later this week...

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