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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Spacing Your Kids: How We Decided

It is often one of the most sensitive topics to ask a couple.

Sooooo, when are you guys having kids? 

This is a question inevitably asked by someone at your wedding. Usually after a few too many champagne toasts. Or by a nosy, but well-intentioned co-worker who has no idea whether or not you want kids at this season in your life, or are dealing with infertility or financial stressors.

Second most sensitive topic...

Soooo, when are you guys going to have another kid?

Really? I never knew that it was the business of anyone but the couple involved whether or not you were going to have zero or twelve kids. As much as I have my own opinions, I certainly keep them to myself and save my venting about this subject for my husband.

Here is how we decided when the timing was right for us. Keep in mind that we have been EXTREMELY lucky to get pregnant right away both times. We were quite deliberate as to when we wanted to grow our family. Here was what was in our "plan". Heh.
  • I have only ever wanted to have two kids, never more.
  • I wanted to be finished having kids by age 33 or 34 at the latest (no advanced maternal age on my medical chart, please). I will be a spring chicken 33 with this young 'un. Vanity gets the best of us.
  • I wanted my kids to be at least 4 years apart, because I wanted to be able to really focus time and energy on them individually while they were still young. 
  • Hyperemesis gravidarum is enough to make you never want to ever get knocked up again. I like not being pregnant. I like being able to sleep in and not having leaky boobies. I like being able to have a glass of wine on the weekends. I like being able take a Motrin when I want to!
  • I love my job and my patients and I wanted time to build my practice during my first few years here.
  • I wanted to have full-on baby fever (similar to Bieber Fever, but less painful) before wanting to try again.
So there you have it. How we decided to wait (gasp!) 4 years to have another child. This is what worked for us. Not judging anyone else's decisions. This is just what worked for our family.

What about you? How deliberate were you in planning your family? Laissez-faire or Machiavellian like me?

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