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Monday, August 9, 2010

Things Not to Tell Your Doctor

I figure that the people feel the most vulnerable and open with their priest, lawyer and doctor. Which is good. Because I can spot a patient who lies a mile away. Really, you brush their teeth twice a day, every day and they never watch TV and never drink juice? Hmmm...

 However there is such a thing as too much honesty.

I don't want to hear or see that...
  • Your child's first words are "Mommy", "Daddy" and the Spanish word for "Lady of the night who does things to her mother". Not good.
  • You got tennis elbow/golfer's elbow from playing Wii.
  • In a related fashion, you broke your hand playing Guitar Hero.
  • The staples I am taking out of your head are from getting pistol-whipped. (I am guessing that me telling you to use your seat belt and always use sunscreen will fall on deaf ears.)
  • You tasted your child's vomit. Ever. 
  • You let your child chew on the edge of the exam table. 
  • Your child older is allowed to hit you.
  • Your teenager is allowed to swear at you or call you names.
  • Your child learned how to swear at church camp. 
  • That "something" crawled into your child's ear and died last night.   
Sweet baby Jesus. Hold me.

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