We have been declaring war against some neighbors. These aren't the two legged variety of neighbors. These neighbors have taken up living on the top of the columns on our front porch. And they are leaving their nasty little robin droppings everywhere on the front steps.
It came to a head last Friday when I had a few friends (and their kids) over for a lunch playdate. The darned winged messengers of destruction and poop robins kept fluttering all over the place, making my guests have to dodge them flying around. They also may or may not have tried to dive bomb some friends from church who tried to deliver us meals after the miscarriage. Maybe.
I am not admitting anything.
We have taken to water hoses, bricking up the ledges and pepper pellets and general pounding on the foyer windows to scare them off. The amount of under my breath cursing I have done is definitely not ladylike.
...is the awesome % off letters you get in the mail. I am loving the fact that all of my favorite places have been sending me up to discount offers on everything from free paint to 15% off at West Elm. My favorite thus far has definitely been the 20% off the entire purchase at Bed Bath and Beyond, especially since I stockpile their coupons like an episode of Hoarding: Buried Alive.
What about you? What stores would you love to receive a discount for?
How am I doing? Fair to middling. Not even sure what "middling" really means, I have just always wanted to use that term to describe my mood. I am okay. Not great, but okay. Really. We are all intermittently weepy and I never know what will set me off, but I am here.
Do you need anything?
Red wine. And sushi. And pork products with lots of nitrates. And soft cheeses. And Motrin. And hugs (although those have been know to trigger tears, but I'll take my chances).
Do you regret telling people the news early?
I don't really regret saying anything at all. We told the news publicly around when I was 8-9 weeks, when we had already seen a heartbeat on the ultrasound, so we felt we may be out of the woods. We miscarried about 1.5 weeks later. I really have appreciated the humbling support of those who know and love me and I wouldn't be able to get through this without each of you.
Will you try again?
Of course. When we are emotionally ready, whenever that will be.
How is the Kid doing?
I am not sure how much she understands abstractly. We told her in a way that we believe she will understand. Basically explaining in a way that is consistent with our faith as well as telling her Mommy and Daddy will probably be sad for a while and that it is okay for her to be sad and cry. We are grateful to friends who have offered plenty of distractions for her. It was hard yesterday when she and I was talking about the cross (and how it symbolizes how God talks to man).
The Kid: So that means God can do anything, right? Me: Right. God can do anything. The Kid: How do you talk to God? Me: You can talk to God any time you want by just praying and listening to him. Do you want to talk to God? The Kid: Yes. Me: Do you want to ask Him for anything?
The Kid: I want to ask Him to give me another brother or sister. Me: He will, baby. Not right now, but He will again someday.
That is the hardest part. Helping a four year old grieve.
Will it be weird for you to be around pregnant people and baby showers?
Ummm, no. I am a pediatrician. I am constantly surrounded by pregnant ladies and babies, so any avoiding pregnant people will be impossible. I think having already had a child is probably helping me get through this. I could imagine myself being very bitter if I didn't already have a child. Not the most flattering admission, but a human one. I am ECSTATIC about my sister's upcoming shower and hope to be able to help throw a shower for a friend who is due the same time as I would have been (I'm looking at you, B.). Will I have a sense of longing? Sure. Jealous? No. I am incredibly proud of and happy for every single preggo I know.
What has surprised you?
I am absolutely humbled by the outpouring of love. I would say thank you, but it doesn't feel like enough. People who I haven't talked to since high school and elementary school have reached out. The internet can be a good thing. The way I revealed our grief publicly isn't for everyone. I know that. I have a friend from church who miscarried at the same stage of pregnancy and on the same day I did that few people know about. Some need to do this quietly. For me, sharing and talking lessens the weight a little.
I am also surprised at the private emails and texts and messages where SO MANY of my friends have gone through a pregnancy loss. Literally one in four messages was from a friend who had also miscarried. (Which is consistent with the statistic that 25% of ALL pregnancies end in miscarriage). Thank you each woman who shared her story.
I am not alone.
Now someone stop me before I start singing women's suffragette songs.
So we have been in our house for about four weeks now and I figure I should post an update as to where we are with the whole house.
Inertia has settled in.
After the frantic moving in process we found out a few things:
a) Yes, you can be made crazy by the incessant chirping of smoke alarms that have not been changed in 2 years. If I had had a pellet gun, I would have shot those suckers off the ceiling, like in my favorite video game, Duck Hunt.
b) Somehow in the falling in love with the house, we missed the fact that the house had no front closet. (Ruh-roh, Raggy). There will be a project coming soon regarding that little oversight.
c) You can fall in love with a high efficiency washer and dryer. I've been there and bought the t-shirt.
d) Moving into a new house turned my poor sleep habits daughter into a champion through the night sleeper. It was like magic - the day we moved into the new house she started sleeping through the night with absolutely no wakings. I think it probably helps to have the master bedroom downstairs.
e) You can live indefinitely with packing boxes acting as drawers.
f) If I don't get my shoe racks unpacked and the Kid's room painted, my head may explode. (I'm making side eyes at you, MrDrama...)
The plan is to get some bigger pieces of furniture from Ethan Allen, Home Goods and West Elm in the next few weeks (woo!) and also have a garage sale to divest ourselves of a lot of household items, clothes, shoes, etc., that we have held onto through several moves. Busy, busy!
Have you ever seen that show on TLC called Hoarding: Buried Alive on TLC? Sometimes it isn't until you move that you realize exactly how much CRAP you have. And while I am not about to have mummified carcasses of animals in my house, I think we all have a teeny, tiny propensity towards hoarding buried deep within.
You realize especially how many duplicates of things you buy when you are living in a house where storage is in DEEP pantries where you can't see the back of them. This is made worse if the guilty subject has a membership to Costco which allows you to buy penne pasta by the bushel. And then you move and find the following.
Exhibit #1:
Now I am a big pasta fan. My favorite type of food is authentic Italian and I often say I would have made a great Italian (I love art, great shoes, red wine and pasta). I took Italian for a semester in college, just so I could learn how to pronounce things on a menu properly.
However, as we unpacked our new house I found that I have bought an absolutely unseemly amount of pasta. There were 28 boxes. Nine boxes of spaghetti, six of penne, three of cellentani and multiple assorted boxes of lasagna, orechiette and shells.
As I unpacked box after box of Barilla pasta, I came to grips with my problem. My name is DrBabyMamaDrama and I am a pasta hoarder. I am about to freeze my Costco card in a block of ice, a la Becky Bloomwood.
Also, does anyone know what I could do with eight kajillion coffee filters?
It is random the things that people collect/mini-hoard. For me, it appears to be pasta and J.Crew tights (I won't talk about that one). When I posted this on Facebook, people responded with anything from 15 bottles of soy sauce to batteries.
I am finally resurfacing after a blessed mini vacation from work. We stayed at home and had a nice quiet Christmas with just us. There was lots of sleeping in, slow cooking, baking cookies and cinnamon rolls with the Kid and general relaxation. Today is my last day off and I am relishing it. My husband actually told me that I seemed more relaxed than I have in a long time. Using vacation time = GOOD.
The only thing that I didn't do was try to eat in moderation (there was a LOT of comfort food cooking and carbs in the Drama House), hence the fact that I have been wearing leggings pretty much every day for the past five days. Buttoning the pants for work tomorrow is not going to be fun.
If you've had some time off, how was your holiday?
Also, next week starts my week of "What I Wish I Got..." giveaways. Stay tuned!
I always wonder how realistic gift shopping is for adults. I mean, for my daughter is easy to shop for. If it is sparkly and purple and has something to do with princesses or art, it's a winner! She sort of believes in Santa Claus, but like I was at her age, is a little skeptical about the whole idea and told me point blank that only God is everywhere (mission accomplished!).
For adults, I really think unless someone really knows you and lives with you all the time, it can be really hard to buy something for other adults. Which is why I pretty much write out a list of suggested items each year and let MrDrama select what he wants to get. Please don't tell me I am the only woman who does this for her significant other...
Here is what is on my list. Obviously for financial reasons, I will probably only get one of these, but a girl can dream...
iPad. Yes, I have bought into the hype. I will probably regret not waiting for the new version, but whatevs.
LV speedy Epi leather purse. I am not a huge fan of the obvious logo brands and would rather go for a more subtle version by Louis Vuitton. I know this would be a completely gratuitous purchase that would feed plenty of mouths in a developing country somewhere, but I rarely apologize for a little vanity. Let me say that I do my part (away from my fashion addiction and saving for a house).
Aquamarine jewelry. Before we start planning for another kid, I would love to get something with my daughter's birthstone. I am thinking a cocktail ring or studs.
Immersion blender. Once a food geek, always a food geek.
Silhouette Cutter (I will confess that I already bought this for myself!). I look forward to experimenting on this. I got this through a discount on Centsational Girl's blog and I have a bunch of ideas brewing...
A trip to somewhere warm. It has only been cold in Nashville for a few weeks and I am already over it. Call me a wuss, call me a sucker for the diagnosis of Seasonal Affective Disorder, whatever. Just realize that I need sun. Stat.
I will say that this has been one of the most stressful pre-Christmas seasons that I have had in a long while. A few years ago we did a no-presents Christmas, which was pretty awesome. Last year, we had a low key first Christmas in Nashville with just a few events.
This December, however, has been a culmination of multiple stressors:
We've been incredibly busy. We are lucky to have such a great group of friends and so many things to do, but man, all of the holiday parties and running around takes its toll!
We are STILL trying to figure out what we are going to do with our yet unsold house back in Pittsburgh (the recession bites, big time). Rent it out or lower the list price and just take a loss? Ugh.
We want to buy a place down here, but I get hives at the thought of having two mortgages. We could do it financially, but not very comfortably.
Baby fever. I've got it bad. We're considering trying for Kid #2 and trying to time it to jive well with schedules. Because kids and trying to get pregnant are always so convenient.
Financial stresses of all of the above. Gotta love the six-figure med-school loans.
The regular busy-ness of wintertime illnesses at work keeps me hopping and tired at the end of each work day.
Feeling the end of the year run-down. I always get insomnia and general crankiness with lack of sunshine and cold weather.
Missing my regular workouts with Zumba and running is not doing my waistline any favors.
But... there is a light at the end of the tunnel (relatively). I have an extended and much-needed break coming up and NO PLANS for Christmas. Sweetness. Come on, Thursday at 4:30 pm!
I am determined to get a jump start on Christmas giving this year by giving myself an early present. I vow not to let anyone steal the joy of one of my favorite holidays away from me. I love Christmas and everything that it involves and symbolizes (minus the mass commercialization). I had a run-in recently with an acquaintance who is the human equivalent of a Dementor from Harry Potter. Being around this person makes your blood pressure surge, raises your hackles and generally leaves you in a pissy (sorry, the most descriptive word) mood for days later.
Here is what I realized.
They - the joy-suckers - aren't worth the energy.
At all.
This is somewhat revolutionary for me, since I sort of want everyone to love me and to get along. Raise your hand if you are a "people-pleaser"! But I realized that me wasting my energy deflecting their negative vibes was just that. A waste. I can't change anyone's opinion about me or anyone's mind about their own decisions. But I can choose to deflect their negativity and keep on being my generally lovable, if oblivious, self.
I challenge you in the next few weeks not to let your joy be taken without your permission. Don't let *that* family member, frenemy, co-worker or social acquaintance get away with it. Call them on it! Or avoid them, if possible. Let your energies be focused on what is really important during this time of the year: family and friends who love you and being thankful for your blessings.
Chime in, what do you do to keep people from bringing you down?
Before the Thanksgiving turkey has even made it to the table, people start thinking about Christmas cards. I am aiming to have my Christmas cards out this year by the first week in December. That said, if you get your card sometime in early January, don't say I didn't warn you!
The main problem with summer pictures was photo-shopping out the forehead mosquito bites! We recolored this one to make it look less summery.
This one just needed recoloring and cropping...
While this one was rotated and recolored...
You probably recognize this from the blog header (this will be on the flip side of the card).
While I consider myself to be a relatively intelligent, rational person, the selection of Christmas cards reduced me to a quivering mess. Geez Louise, I am can be indecisive! After FINALLY selecting the pictures we wanted, I put out a Twitter plea for people to vote on which of the "Big Three" online stationers (Snapfish, Shutterfly and TinyPrints) they liked the best. I had considered using pricier stationery stores, but let's be honest, these are Christmas cards, not wedding invitations. There is no way I am shelling out $5 a card for Christmas cards, no matter how cute they are. While most voted for Shutterfly, I went with TinyPrints because I fell in love with one of their cards immediately. Here is what we are sending out...
All I need now is a house elf that will address and stamp all of my cards for me. Where is Dobby when you need him?
Quick tips for great Christmas cards:
Do them now before the hubbub of the holidays overtakes you!
Get in close to take pictures. Don't be afraid to lay on the ground or other craziness.
When in doubt hire a photographer. We got a friend from church to take these pictures for a fraction of the price we would have been charged by a studio professional.
Get the rights to the digital files. I was able to edit the high-res pictures myself that way.
Keep clothing simple (minimal prints, coordinating colors but not too "matchy-matchy").
Well-fed, well-rested children + silly distractions +/- bribery make for great pictures.
Bribery, bribery, bribery of children. Spoken like a true Nigerian. Kidding. Maybe.
J.K. Rowling recently gave an interview on Oprah and they showed an excerpt from her commencement speech at Harvard University in 2008. She spoke on the importance of failure. Here are a few lines, some paraphrased.
"Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. You stop pretending that you are anything than what you are..."
"Your greatest fear is realized and you are still alive..."
"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you lived so cautiously, that you might as well not have lived at all..."
I fail at many things.
being patient with loved ones
listening without judgment
true forgiveness
being humble
But the beauty of failing at these things is that I will hopefully continue to grow. I have noticed that I have started to check myself more (not in terms of using my mental filter between my mouth and my brain - that'll never happen...) but in terms of being more intentional about my words and the power that words wield. If failure means that I learn from my mistakes, bring it.
I know that everyone always does "Wordless Wednesday" posts, but this weekend has been so wonderful that I really don't have sufficient words to sum the wonderful-ness of it up.
Sometimes I forget that #Nashville is a city with amazing talent and a wealth of people with super generous hearts. I helped out at the Team Emmett benefit concert yesterday afternoon and evening. For those who are recent followers, Team Emmett (read more on their blog here) is a cause started in honor of the husband of a very dear college friend who was diagnosed with Stage 4 esophageal cancer this February.
Over the past few months I have been involved in helping this beloved family as much as possible in my limited capacity. I love Wendy (the wife) like a sister and I remember fondly our deep philosophical discussions over many "meat and three" lunches during undergrad at Vanderbilt. She and I are both science nerds with deep hunger to understand things that can only be explained through faith.
I worked the Chick-Fil-A table (shocker!) and was impressed by the army of volunteers that turned out to everything from tickets and ushering to child care and security. Below, me with the other food workers.
Ooh, heaven is a place on earth... (at least if there is Chick-Fil-A)
Many local artists and musicians and vendors donated food, drinks, art and awesome prizes for the silent auction.
If you've ever seen Emmett in person, this looks a lot like him in action (Emmett's a drummer by profession)
You forget that the arts community in Nashville is very strong and many people are involved in graphic and visual arts. I wanted this for our house, but I was too busy selling chicken sandwiches to famous people to get to bid on it.
I know there are a lot of blogs out there chronicling people going through difficult times with illness, but stop by the Team Emmett blog. You will be humbled.
Keep them in prayers as they start the next round of chemo this morning!
This is a shameless plug for my sister, who just started a blog recently, called One Story Building. Like any good sister relationship, we have had our ups and downs but I now treasure the relationship that we are growing into as adults. We are going to visit her soon and I can't wait! My baby sister has a great eye for design, a fantastic sense of humor and a heart that would slay dragons for you. I am a lucky girl!
In the interests of being transparent and because Blogger is my sometimes nemesis, please ignore the double posts that accidentally got posted early last weekend due to late night Polyvore inspiration. I really was on call this weekend and was tired from days of being overheated (heat index > 100 for about 3 weeks, I think?) and eating smoothies and Popsicles for dinner. The thought of cooking and raising the temperature inside the house makes me want to cry.
September, I am ready for you.
And I did take a much needed break from blogging for a few days to brainstorm posts and prepare some more giveaways. The week before school starts in Nashville is always slightly insane at my office and I needed a break.
That is both the title to a classic Madonna song and what I am trying to do this week. After a lot of overindulgent birthday celebrating and a trip to the beach last week, regular life rears its ugly head again. Lots of posts this week, giveaway winners (come on, Random.org!), OOTD from vacation, beach pics and reviews of sale and new J.Crew arrivals coming up. Here is a little hint of what we were up to.
What, just me? On our way back from the wedding in Pittsburgh this past weekend, we stopped halfway down in Cincinnati to visit one of my college best friends. Why did stop? To catch up? To play Parcheesi? NO.
World Cup 2010. (I am a very good wife, MrDrama.)
I know most Americans are sick to death of hearing the darned vuvuzelas of it and the constant commentary. The Drama family and my friend and her husband went to a pub in the Clifton area in Cincinnati and watched 90 minutes of soccer. Plus stoppage time. Plus almost 30 minutes of overtime. I may have been simply ecstatic to have the game over when Spain finally scored and I screamed, "VIVA ESPAÑA!".At the top of my lungs.
And promptly lost my voice. Overuse laryngitis, if you will.
I sound super hawt.
If you need somebody to make Scream-like calls to anyone (a la, DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES?), I'm your girl.
