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Monday, August 2, 2010

How to read a patient by their shoes...

This is where fashion meets science. I can tell you with relative accuracy, what a patient (or in my case a patient's parent) will be like based on their footwear alone. It isn't an exact science, but man, it is close.

(Disclaimer: this commentary is done in pure fun and obviously, I am not this shallow. Usually.)
Tory Burch Revas or other understated but equally overpriced shoe = you already Googled your diagnosis and God forbid if I don't agree. (I count myself as sometimes being in this category).

Shoes made of hemp = you don't believe in vaccines, antibiotics or evidence-based medicine but I will always learn a new herbal remedy. These are usually the only shoes that will make me cringe when I see them because there will be a lot of having to talk you into something.
Flip flops = low maintenance, go with the flow. Love these.
High heels (sorta cheapish, bought at "Razzles" in the mall which also sells wigs and fishnets) = your 3 year old still uses a bottle and your five year old may have conduct disorder. Which means I should just go ahead and give you the referral for the dentist and therapist now. 

Wingtips (and other dress shoes for men) = high likelihood of you being on your Blackberry during the visit since your wife couldn't make it.

Top-siders = you are too young to remember when these originally came out when I was NINE and these are a cool trendy shoe. Also likely to be texting your friends during my exam. OMG.  
 Danskos = you work in the medical profession and I can explain things in medical-speak.

Light up shoes = you are easily manipulated by princess stickers and lollipops.

Next up, how having overly tweezed eyebrows is a 99% indicator of a borderline personality disorder...

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